I hate guessing, but i find myself doing it all the time.. find myself doing stupid things all the time.. which really screws up my life.
Guess wat i really need i a real huge break.. a break from all this shit.. just to be more in touch.. to free myself from all the nonsense i have in me.. the june hols won't help.. would be too much mugging, too much thinking to be comfortable.. and the last time we had a holiday.. what happened, sars.. damn, it's scary.. dunnoe when or if this break will come.. it better, or i really can't get through..

Sometimes, i find myself wondering why we slog so hard for everything, knowing that it will all end.. i know i probably shouldn't be thinking this way.. it's bad. God help me.

It can be scary sometimes.. the way the world changes, it frightens me.. or maybe it's just me. probably isn't.. but i really dunnoe, really confused why certain things happen... would like to be in the light all the time, but guess that's not possible.. Pls juz don confuse me anymore.. or am i just screwing myself up? maybe i'm just scared of most things.. when i really think about it, there are just so many things that might have been achieved had i not been so..... most of the time, i think i think too much, but i can't help it.. what exactly am i scared of? many things actually.. rejection's the main thing.. and maybe uncertainty.. i want to have more confidence in myself... about everything, but it's hard.. when you fail time and again.. so much so that the successes seem negligible.. Damn, don't even know why i'm feeling this way.. probably shouldn't but really can't help it

Look into my world.
Very nearly couldn't wake up in the morning, plus it was raining, perfect for a longer sleep.. but had to drag my ass to school.. trainings are getting tiring.. which means i'll have to whip myself into shape soon.. will try to do a 2.4 a week.. yeah.. must push myself though it's still early.. Amazingly was a sunless day today. real cool..
Just had lotsa bread for dinner.. was eating toast bread with garlic, honey, butter etc.. ha, but not everyday please..

I love fridays. Fridays rock.. esp the break, partly cuz there's no one during this particular break..ha, which means no queue for food.. and yeah, today's break was so nice.. rain was so beautiful, esp when it is still shining brightly.. beautiful sight, really.
Anyway, was playing cards with 4 classmates at the void deck outside side gate during the time before rugby today.. quite fun.. then had an exchange of ezlink cards, laughed our asses off at each other.. really hmmm.. ohyah, before that, it's like we went ulu pandan cc, hoping to find an air-con room we could use to play cards.. but sigh, nearly got ourselves stuck in the measure for measure place.. luckily got stairs.. or else would have been not so nice..
Speaking of rugby.. well done guys.. put up a really good fight.. but still.. man, the pressure on the last kick was so great..pity we missed it.. and how the heck did we take so long to get that one try... arrgh, was shouting my throat off.. can see that we're improving and they are going down.. which rox.. Damn, really don like getting the same feeling everytime i go.. arrgh, hope for next year, don wan to feel that way again.. so, push it guys!! it only once a year when everyone comes together for the school and experience the Rafflesian spirit.. crap i'm saying this..

Today's og dinner was fantastic. the best. the best in a long time.. simply rox.. can't believe we got so much ice-cream into ourselves.. sin... then spent quite some time at the edge.. bad version of annex.. ha, love that corner.. i really like those sit around and just talk sessions.. it just relaxes me i suppose.. inspired now, must go out consistently now, og.. yeah
btw, good job jq.. u rock.. and don't give away..

amazing i can even log on to type this.. haha, how to wake up for training tomorrow.. still wished time had stopped at that corner..

Was an amusing day in school today.. i mean, we spent so much time listening to talks today.. should have juz gone home after the crap NE talk.. like ms chia went home, and everyone in my class was hoping she got sars.. damn bad.. actually, i think she's not so bad after all.. anyway, spent the period in a dark TS.. like we were going crazy in the ts with the lights off.. damn noisy.. it feels great to let go once in a while.. realise some ppl in my class has a different side to them.. haha, watever that means..

Oh yes, real happy milan won the champs league.. the other club i support, other than man u.. yeah, but guess it couldn't have been an exciting match.. was hoping it might be man u vs milan in the finals.. well, there's always next year.. Still on the subject of sports, i really hope our ruggers will put up a great fight tomorrow against that crap ac.. anyway, i really hate ac, and everything to do with it.. sick of being on the losing side.. everytime i go support rugby.. arrgh.. damn bad.

Lookig forward to OG dinnner after rugby tmr.. go bishan, i like that place.. ha

"Fall not in love, therefore; it will stick to your face."

was doing nothing.. then remembered my sec1 class had like some sort of a class webpage see it.. real cool, for a sec1 work, tho it hadn't been updated since it was created.. reall fun going thru those memories.. those were the days when we were all still innocents little boys.. sigh, how things have changed.. still remember those care-free times.. sigh.. also remember my first day in sec sch.. sad.. really, it was so not-a-care-in-the-world then.. like looking back, all those times i was afraid for not doing homework.. was so funny.. sigh, really, times have changed. alot.

still feeling messed up.. life just doesn't feel right for now.. like everyday like just let it pass.. i'm taking things one day at a time now.. living life in a blur

It's like someone is taking my life and shaking it around.

Read an article about Matrix on the papers.. was thinking about it.. here's what i think.. Does it really matter where we are living in? it's all still a journey, whether it is in a darn program or through the real world.. it's still where we are in and we can't change that.. just live it the way you want, don't let others hold you back.. no point in that... no point carrying excess baggage, drop the things you have lost, pick up new things on the way... that's the way life goes i think.. what's past is past, don't think bout it anymore.. actually, i'm telling myself this, so... yeah, anyway. maybe sometimes, or all the time, we feel the future holds nothing for us, like we totally don belong there.. but still, we're gonna be part of it.. so no point making things hard or difficult for ourselves.. instead of being cynical, why not givel ife a chance? Put the past 17 years of our lives aside.. it's really a new day, a new start. What i truly believe in is that only i am responsible for my tomorrow. it may be bad times, but thinkn about how we can make it good.. know it won't seem to make much sense here, but if you really think about it... remember this, you hold the key to to what your tomorrow looks like.

Shit, i get it k...

Wow, GP test today was hmm, let's say the compre wasn't very good.. and compo was completely copieed from something i had read the day before.. hope my teacher doesn't find out, which is hard.. so if i get screwed, you ppl will know exactly why.. anyway, was surprised to have training after that, yes, at 5.. well, luckily i brought pe u along.. i always do anyway.. so, was not a fun training, esp since it was the first since the elections.. damn, still sore about that.. i nearly forgot, jimmy teo joined us a while for training today.. was quite funny.. but he's a good free throw shooter.. but guess that's the base for any basketballer.. oh yes, today's bio lect quiz was so fun.. thot i couldn't get any scores lower than my last bio test.. guess i'm wrong, ha. For the record, it rained 3 days in a row.. but all really short time though.. sad

Hey look, i'm sorry...

rained again today.. was refreshing for a change.. i'm still feeling shitty about basketball.. will try not to think about it.. soon, i'll be thinking about nothing at the rate i'm going..

yeah, forgot the one good thing that happened yesterday.. real happy cuz i did my 2.4k run sub-10, for the first time.. yah! there's this satisfaction to it.. will improve..

Good luck to all for the GP test tomolo..

You are Neo, from "The Matrix." You
display a perfect fusion of heroism and
compassion.


What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

GP common test tomorrow.. dunnoe wat will happen.. totally, and i mean totally, unprepared.. like today for gp, was 1hr40mins.. keith prince was so slack he made us go library, just so he could mark our work while we rot around.. well, really want to pass.. not in the right frame of mind.. need to block out all these.. just want to wake up from this nightmare.. thought i had gotten out from all these shit, only to fall into another fucking hole.. why is my life so screwed-up now?? Are there really endless pits to fall into.. damn, i hate to think this way.. it's hard, really. no point wondering too much, i'd like to think everyone has to pass thru this phase in life where everything seems bad.. or is this phase forever.. certainly hope not.. Anyway, things can only get better from here.. cant imagine otherwise... things have changed.

I realise it's getting too quiet these days.. it's almost unnerving.. like i lost purpose in life.. sux, i'll try improve things..

Let's get back to where we were.

Never meant to cause you no pain
I just wanna go back to being the same
Well I, only wanna make things right
Before you walk out of my life

Though I made plans with you
To always have time for you
I guess it's true, cannot live without you
Don't ever go away, ooh oh yeah

Got back three tests today. first up was chem got a C.. next maths not bad 23/30, best was bio 14 marks.. like for bio, my class had 2 Es, 7 Os, and the rest F.. wow, smart class..

Anyway, still the fuck is wrong with blogger..

Had been bloody hot this past week, and it rained today.. in bright sunshine too.. strange stuff.. and the rain smells, as always, like hot rain..
I realise i'm quite good at wasting time.. i mean, that's wat i do everyday.. and today, i just wasted 2 hours doing nothing at all waiting got time to pass.. then come online.. i'm screwing myself.. anyway, just discovered bio is damn hard.. can't imagine myself digesting and mugging all that.. arrgh

Fucking pissed would be a mild way of putting how i feel today.. I din get the post of v-capt.. and it's not cuz of that.. it's because i think the person who got it ahead of me din deserve it.. since when does some guy in fencing get to be bball vcapt.. damn, bball is rotting, and i hate it.. it's really like i had too high hopes hanging on this one thing, and now it's gone.. damn. Everything that can go wrong has gone wrong.. think this could be my worst day in jc after that day.. Anyway, will be talking to that guy tomorrow, can't take it lying down, see how it goes.. The thing that displeases me is that the two of thm din tell me about it, i had to find out myself.. and to think he had the cheek to message me to discuss stuff.. screw off.. pissed lah.. Cool it.. at least i have the support of the other bballers. And my mum was a calming effect.. thanx a mil

I realise i've been eating too much lately.. dunnoe why, can't stop myself from eating food, watever it may be.. really, like eating biscuits right after dinner.. damn, it's bad.. cuz i juz realised i'm almost 70kg liao.. i was 67 for a long time.. anyway, dunnoe if it's a bad thing.. don worry man..

Just realised everybody is doing their tutorials, which shows how much i've to catch up.. and i simply hate lagging behind. but fuck, i can't bring myself to do work.. Really, i have not done a single piece of work this weekend.. think it's becoming common.. which means i'm fucked in school work.. maybe i'm just trying to busy myself with stuff so that i don't have to think... shit, help me..

fuck, can't believe i'm missing the matrix again. it's showing on tv, but when u have only 1 tv, and your parents say otherwise, you just shut up and piss off. FUCK!!!

Sometimes, i feel damn lost and confused, not knowing what is happening around me, trying to guess and figure things out, end up being more confused all the time. Damn, i hate this.

I am screwed. School tomorrow, no work done. Was out whole day today.. left home at 8am, reaching home only at 5pm.. second time to the anglican high school church.. all saints church, it's called.. still don feel quite right.. i mean, hi, the sermon's in chinese.. wow. din get anything these two services.. well... then went tampines mall again to walk around.. then went back to anglican high to play bball.. three days in a roll intense bball.. 4 hours, it's tiring.. indoor court somemore, how damn zai.. but it's scary when you see so many ppl who are as tall and taller than you around.. hmmm.. remebered i have 2.4 tmr, but still din give a shit tho i am having terrible aches all over my whole leg.. damn, and an A for 2.4 is 10:10.. it's hard.. i'll try..

Hate it when ppl around me are depressed.. though i should be used to it by now.. but still.. life's tough, but we shouldn't just be looking forward to the end of it.. there're better things to be done, really. Think about it... Well, if you keep thinking life is meaningless, it's gonna be.. Don't wait for things to happen, make things happen for you.. or at least try.. If you really think about it, life is an experience.. one long journey. How you live it depends on you, and you alone.. The world doesn't revolve around you.. we move with the rest.. It isn't a good thing waiting for the end. snap out of that NOW!!

enuff crap, love ya all..